Last October I ruined my favorite pair of dress shoes. It was actually Jessica’s fault; she talked me into going on what she called a “quick nature hike” last fall near Hocking Hills. Big clue that it wasn’t going to be quick and casual was when she brought two backpacks full of granola bars and water bottles for what was “literally just an hour loop trail,” but hey, when your wife looks at you with that “let’s go outside and enjoy God’s creation” stare you just gotta go.
My Cole Haans hadn’t survived. The leather was ripped all over from falling tree branches and roots, the sole began to peel off like dead skin on a terrible sunburn, and they took on this gross earthy smell that permeated our entire mudroom for weeks. I was scraping mud crusted into the decorative stitching as Jessica stared at me with the look that every wife develops over years of matrimony.
The condescending, “I know you feel bad, but not sorry enough” stare. “You need boots,” she smirked. Guys, I get it.
But I also workout enough and spend enough money on enough clothes that after six years I have something resembling a stylish wardrobe that does not make me look like I’m signing up for Scouting For Boys when I leave the house.
Just thinking about those bulky mountain monstrosities that spend most of their retail life at Dick’s Sporting Goods gives me anxiety. Also Ohio. Ohio weather is unpredictable as hell, especially when it comes to weekend hiking.
You think you can just throw on a fancy pair of sneakers and take on that nature trail? Those trails will rip those sneakers to shreds then mock you as you hobble back to your car. So I took it upon myself to find boots that could handle the outdoors but wouldn’t make me look like an oversized hiking dummy every time I wore them.
Round one was REI. Because when you’re a dude who reads frugal menswear blogs for fashion advice, patronizing the nation’s premier outdoor retailer is basically public weightlifting jerking yourself off in the nipple ring section. It’s embarrassing.
Enter the store as a sweaty, hairy marketing professional and come out ten minutes later looking like a middle-aged dad who vacations at chuck seed spas. My REI salesman, who I’m sure spends his evenings around his lonely Ikea camping table playing Plants vs Zombies and listening to Tim McIlrath podcasts, escorted me over to the boot display like he was showing me puppies and kittens. He didn’t ask me what I was looking for.
He told me. Ten bucks he lectured me about Gore-Tex protections and waterproof ratings while pulling every brown boot in that store over to me. “These will keep your feet dry even if you step in a creek!” “These are lightweight but have ankle support.” “These are great hiking boots and only $130!” (They looked like duct tape covered canvass gym shoes.) “These are probably our best sellers,” he said holding up a pair made especially for jumping on rocks I assume. They were every bit of outdoorsy as that store could make them.
Gore-Tex lined, Vibram sole that looked like it was textured by Chewbacca on a handheld stump grinder, support up and down the ankle you couldn’t bend over and touch your toes in them. They were ugly. Engineering nerd boots.
They were function over fashion taken to a degree I didn’t think was possible. “I appreciate it man,” I started, already knowing I was that guy. “I’m just looking for something I could kinda wear around town too?” Internally the sales guy eye rolled so hard I could swear I heard him in Northeast Ohio. Guys like me who just want boots that work without screaming “FRONTcountry!” probably give him that lecture four or five times a shift. We eventually settled on some Merrell boots in brown leather that weren’t hideous.
They were far from fashionable, but they weren’t counterfeit Wolverine chukkas either. $140 wasn’t too bad when you consider I probably destroyed $180 shoes that afternoon. Fast forward a few months and I’m griping to one of my friends about how damn difficult it was finding boots that would work. Mike listens patiently as I drone on for ten minutes about armchair retail philosophy when he finally interrupts me. “Dude you’re going to all the wrong places.” He holds up his own boot. “These will keep you dry on a hike and aren’t shit toilets back home.” Mike works in finance, but he happens to know everything about camping gear probably because his entire spare time revolves around doing it with his family.
Turns out he was right. Because over the past two years outdoor companies have finally caught on to guys like me who want to hike trails but still look like actual humans walking on them. It’s an exciting time to be a pedestrian who likes nature.
The first boots I found that actually checked all the boxes where from Danner. Premium priced at $220 when I got mine, but worth every goddamn penny when compared to what I spent on my last shoes that lasted about six hours. Check online and you’ll find dozens of options that will give you similar wear and style.
Made in the good ole USofA too, bonus points! They make hiking boots that look like they came straight out of a catalog circa 1990 that Levi’s put out. Mountain Light boots are designed to withstand real trails while giving you office work or weekend errands game.
I’ve worn mine hiking trails at Wayne National Forest, to music festivals in the mud, casual dress Fridays at school, you name it. The leather is thick without being bulky or stiff, they’re comfortable right out the box, and they won’t soak through if you march through a creek bed. You could dress them up or down depending on which color you choose.
Black, brown, or tan available depending on your style. Closer to teacher salary levels? Timberland has some solid options in the $120-140 range.
I’m talking about these , not the classic yellower boots your dad probably still has in his basement from high school. Timberland makes actual hiking boots that won’t make you feel like you’re walking pet fucks around town. They fit great and feel even better.
The White Ledge boots have seen me through some miserable Ohio spring storms and kept my feet completely dry. They come in brown leather as well which pairs nicely with jeans and flannel. Fun fact: Clark’s makes freaking waterproof hiking boots.
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Yes, the same Clark’s that somehow takes over facebook with their moc-toe desert boots EVERY fall sells some actually rugged footwear. Their Batcombe line offers some Gore-Tex versions that look like normal casual boots but will work in the wilderness. Now don’t get me wrong, they’re not Coach level style, but they’ll get the job done and Jason Kempner over at Clark’s actually recommended them to me when I asked.
I snagged a pair on sale last winter for $100 and have literally worn them every time it rains since. Jessica actually gave me a strange look the first time I wore them and asked where the heck I got them from. They’re that realistic looking compared to their classic Desert boot.
Ok let’s be honest here, if Red Wing made footwear it’s pretty much the standard by which we measure all other shoes. RW boots have been growing in popularity over the last few years thanks to hipsters misusing the term heritage workwear but they actually make really solid boots you can hike in. I purchased a pair of Iron Rangers two years back – pricy at $300 but like I said these things will last.
Have lasted. Red Wing has you covered if you don’t mind dropping a couple Benjamins. Just be prepared for a lengthy break-in period.
I had bloody heels for weeks. The struggle is real with these things. Also fun fact.
The top European manufacturers make some badass hiking boots that would blow your mind if you stumbled across them shopping online. My favorites are Diemme. These would fit right in with your normal casual wardrobe but function as a real hiking boot.
We’re talking $250-$300 price range so expect to drop some serious coin, but if you’re struggling with the whole style thing Diemme fixes it. I tried them on at an Independent boutique near me in the Short North and fell in love. Didn’t buy them because I was being cheap lol…but hey maybe this years teachers raise will finally push me over the $200 mark and I can treat myself.
Guilty as charged. And you thought I was finished embarrassing myself back in that REI boot aisle. Costco even has in the past.
Yes, Oliver’s Theory legit makes hiking boots now and they were actually decent…though not incredibly stylish. Did my research and the Coleman Waterproof Boots from Walmart are actually highly rated! They were $65 last summer and I’ve even used them for light hiking.
Trust me, if I’m telling you THESE boots are decent you know it’s bad. Not trendy at all, will probably fall apart in a decade, but good for an emergency “if we get stuck in the rain” backup pair. TLDR?
Look for leather uppers ( age better than synthetics, and look less “ bootish”), minimal branding, avoid goofy rubber toe caps ( yes your boots will not look like ski boots but this is ridiculous), and stick to neutrals. No bright greens/yellows/oranges that companies that make their clothes in a cement warehouse think you want. And might I add, buy some quality hiking socks.
I spent $160 on a decent pair of boots and regular cotton socks and couldn’t hike for thirty minutes without blistering my feet. Darn Tough makes incredible hiking socks that don’t look like Grandma’s diary down comforters. Will run you about $20/pair but come in different colors, resist holes and runs like a bitch, and are lifetime warranted should they ever fail you.
Took me until nearly 3000 words in to mention this but socks are key. Nobody likes being limping around from blister city because you cheap out on your feets underwear. Waterproofing is kind of common sense but as with any leather footwear you’ll want to treat them every few months.
I use Nikwax and am probably at about three or four applications per year. Roughly $8 a go and takes all of ten minutes to do. Really helps keep the water out and leather from drying out and cracking.
PSA: You will never get weird stalker looks from Appalachian Trail thru hikers rocking a pair of $350 Timmys but I promise you will get weird looks from them. Doesn’t mean I won’t stop jean’ em and camo shirts tho. Still noboots that can hang with a nice pair of Derbys but it’s a massive upgrade from where I started.
Casual Friday at work?
Got me. Hiking all day?
Got em covered. Every boot I listed here so far can take a drizzle or downpour and keep your feet dry. They’ve also all successfully traversed the aisles of Walmart and never once left me questioning Jessica’s husband selection skills.
All in all spent probably $450 dollars over the last two years on boots. They’re probably worth every penny compared to what I ruined before researching this. Best part?
Jessica doesn’t have to pretend like shower shoes aren’t ghetto when we go on our weekend getaways. I don’t have to worry about ruining a nice pair of shoes sweating my ass off for four miles either. Bonus is Ohio is THE WILDEST STATE EVER when it comes to afternoon weather showers so being prepared for anything is kind of a big deal around these parts.
