I was standing in the men’s section at Target last Saturday afternoon watching Sophie swing from the cart while Jackson and I debated between two styles of chinos (“Dad why are navy blue chinos always dirtier than black?”) when Lauren texts me to see if we wanted to meet her at someplace nice for dinner after dropping the kids off at her mom’s. Real dinner. On plates, not superhero shaped trays.
In that moment I instantly did a mental calculation about what I was wearing vs what I could maybe wear if I changed some things. Could I pair these Target chinos with my “nice polo” shirt and actually go out in public without looking like I rolled straight out of a playdate? Because at this point, yeah that’s totally a thing I look like on most weekdays.
It got me thinking about how we dads dress for different occasions. It’s less black vs white like casual vs dress.
Those were easy decisions in my twenties when wearing pants that hadn’t been cleaned was the big dilemma.
These days it’s more like playground of death vs might upset Lauren if we sit at the restaurant that serves food on actual plates. Times have changed. THE DAD BASE LAYERUniform staples for most dads around here consist of whatever we wear to drop kids at school, soccer practice, flyerkids.com, you get it.
These clothes have to be durable. Dirt resistant. Ground beef stained without looking like ground beef stained.
From my experience there are three articles of clothing every dad should have in his wardrobe to perfect the dad base layer… Jeans: They still hold up but need to be dark enough to conceal suspicious stains and loud enough to hide grass stains. I have three pairs I rotate through which are all either Target or Costco brands because who wants to spend $50 on jeans that will inevitably get crusted peanut butter on them within the first month of purchase? Bonus points if you can wear them while looking slightly trendy versus homeless man stocking up on condoms at Walgreens.
Shoes: Ah yes, lessons learned the hard way with the shoes. Remember when I told you about the white leather shoes I thought were too cool for the playground? One trip through the park and I learned my lesson.
Dads: wear dark colored shoes you don’t mind getting scraped up. Permanent gray stains are your new black. We rotate through Nike exercise style sneakers, those brown leather shoes I bought three years ago but still feel self conscious wearing, and Jordans.
Lots of Jordans. Enough about me, what’s in your dads shoe drawer? Shirts: Much like your jeans, your shirts should be able to take a beating.
Grab yourself some plain t-shirts in colors that won’t show dirt as easily. Grey, navy and black are my go to’s. Throw on a zip hoodie you can tie around your waist when you’re crashing at the jungle gym or a basic quarter zip pullover.
Get a jacket that can withstand accelerating juice boxes being shot at it from all angles. Bonus dad points if you can layer the hoodie/jacket combo over your favorite hockey jersey. As dad bod approved as this laundry list of steroid induced finger cracking upper half staples are, stepping outside of your afternoon at Science World suddenly highlights when your base dad uniform starts to look more Margaritaville resort owner versus attending said resort owner’s kid’s soccer game.
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There’s a fine line when it comes to dads and understanding what you can and can not get away with wearing in public. You’re expected to show up to your kids sports games, school plays, and parent-teacher conferences looking like you gave least a little fucks, but not too many because fuck do those kids run you ragged sometimes. But what happens when Lauren asks you and her to grab a meal at someplace you actually have to pay real money for?
When your childhood best friend invites you and Mrs. Bester over for beers and nachos? Suddenly your dad uniform that’s worked for you for the past decade doesn’t quite cut it.
It’s time for dad uniform 2.0. But before you go out and rack up credit card debt buying new clothes up to the nines try these slight modifications to your current wardrobe you probably already own. Jeans become the pants without the giant yellow paint stain from when Jackson “helped” you repaint his room.
Sneakers turn into the shoes that aren’t bright white. And that holey sweater? Now you break out the… Shirt: Swap your good-old_fidlink dependable tee shirt for a good ol’ button down.
Nothing fancy, grab something light blue or white that’s made of Oxford cloth. You’ll be hard pressed to mess that up. I have about four of these shirts and all are from the same company.
Once I found a brand I liked that fit well and didn’t require ironing I was all in. Not gonna lie, these shirts are kinda pricey compared to your average Fruit of the Pod tee but at least you don’t look like every other dad at Target grabbing milk and Halloween candy the day before your kid’s birthday. Sweater: Time to break out the nice sweater.
Something soothing gray or blue that doesn’t have pictures of puppies on it. Lauren loves these Banana Republic crew neck sweaters I have and they’re actually really comfy. I bought mine two years ago on sale but have since ordered several more for those occasions when I want to pretend I give a shit what I look like wearing sweaters.
To me they’re the nice shirt equivalent of sweater.
Step it up from hoodie to actual sweater that doesn’t have the University of Kentucky embroidery on the front. Let’s face it dads, we all know the struggle of what to wear when you’re not quite going full Mike Myers Mom Jeans outfit but need to step it up from your everyday dad uniform.
Work moms lunches? Church potluck? Guys night that your wife keeps hinting at by giving you “that look” whenever you walk by the bar in your underwear?
Yup it’s all these occasions. I see you and your bougie-wine colored jeans posting selfies all up in Facebook telling everyone how you’re rocking the dad-style game. News flash buddy I see you too trying to hard.
It’s called walking the line of dad attire and we all have to do it. The good news is you’re totally armed now to handle any dad-style situation through your father of toddlers journey. Until Next Time, Brandon
