Hello. I am wearing jeans. Jeans that I’m trying on in the fourth changing room of the day at M&S Plano.
This is the hundredth pair of jeans I’ve tried on this month. My thighs are numb, Jackson’s been texting me every two minutes asking when I’ll be home so he can work on his science project with me, and I’ve reached the existential dread stage of why am I doing this to myself again? Hold up.
Why am I doing this to myself? Because my friend Mike sent me a picture of his brand-new pair of jeans literally disintegrating in his hands at school.
The crotch area ripped after the elastic completely gave out while he was in the middle of a parent-teacher conference talking about his son’s math scores.
“Dude these were $180 new six months ago,” Mike texted me. “Please tell me there’s something out there that I can buy that won’t break the bank or tear apart when I bend over to pick up Goldfish crumbs off the floor for the sixteenth time.” Those texts turned into me spending every Saturday afternoon for the last month jeans shopping. Twelve stores.
Too many pairs of jeans to count. Enough time spent in changing rooms to qualify me for actual officer status as a dad. All so I could give you what should be a simple answer to a straightforward question: are there any decent jeans you can buy off the high street in 2024 without selling a kidney?
Look, I’m not expecting miracles. Between me and you, I know straight off the bat that a $50 jean is never going to give me the feel and durability of that $400 Japanese pair you paid more for than your monthly grocery bill. But it should at least hold up to Sophie wiping her nose on my leg, not shrink after I’ve crawled around the playground trying to keep up with Jackson, and not turn some weird shade of purple after two washes.
Please. First off let’s start with the biggest surprise of the whole process: Marks and Spencer do actually make a halfway decent pair of jeans now. Yes, M&S.
I know what you’re thinking. The godforsaken store where your father shops for extra cozy cardiigans for Christmas. News flash they have an actual selvedge range now, and it’s really good stuff.
The pair I’m wearing as I type this are 99% cotton 1% elastane. Just enough stretch to run after your toddler without feeling like you’re wearing a denim condom. The denim itself feels thick and heavy.
Proper denim. None of that candy-floss, ‘it feels like denim but really isn’t’ bullshit other brands feel OK with getting away with. What really set these apart from every other pair I tried on, aside from the insane feel of the denim itself, was the construction.
Chain-stitched hem and cuff, reinforced pocket corners, bartack stitching across all the natural stress points. Details you don’t usually see on jeans that come in at half the price. Retailing at £65 ($80), they’re not the cheapest option by any stretch but I’d comfortably say they’re the best investment and will actually last you and your growing toddler a decent amount of time.
Lauren’s neighbor Dave is our family’s denim nerd. Like, he owns more pairs of jeans than my wife owns shoes and we have three kids. He actually refused to publicly endorse M&S Jeans… at first.
“I won’t be giving them a glowing review on the Naked and Denim forums,” he said as we were standing in his gigantic denim closet. “But damn brother if those things aren’t better constructed than some $200 jeans I’ve owned that fell apart in the first year.” Fit-wise they’re exactly what I consider dad-core. Straight cut with just enough room in the thigh to actually sit down and decent mobility so you can chase your kids around without having your package squeeze off when you bend over to pick them up.
The perfect dad jean for school pickup when you need to impress the other parents but also may need to run after your kindegarten escape artist. Onto Uniqlo. If you’ve not heard of Uniqlo lately then you’ve been living under a rock… or maybe that’s just me?
They sell really nice selvedge jeans for $49.90 that actually feel like you’re stealing them. The denim has that nice stiffer-than-a-board factory feel that eventually softens and molds to your body with wear like it’s supposed to. I own a pair that are almost three years old now that have started to naturally fade in all the right ways.
Wallet distortion on the back pocket, honeycomb creases across the knees, nice subtle fading on the upper thighs. You know, actual jeans that look like jeans. Minus points for lack of fits.
If you don’t fall into Uniqlo’s regular or slim category then you’re SOL. Slim being slim here. Which is fantastic if you’ve got those runner thighs everyone envies.
But an absolute blazer if you don’t keep. Up just finished helping Sophie blow up balloons for her birthday party and nearly cried when I tried them on because they just kinda clung to me in all the wrong ways. Okay time for me to really piss some people off: Arket makes a solid denim jean.
It’s H&M’s attempt at an adult clothing brand, but trust me when I say they fucking nail it with their jeans. Arket’s Regular Jeans in rigid denim will set you back about $95. The closest I found to actual denim jean magic without breaking the bank.
100% cotton with zero stretch so they’ll need to break in like traditional raw denim. Yeah that means a week or two of walking around slightly uncomfortable while they soften and mold to your figure. Lauren literally laughed at me stumbling around our apartment the first few days I wore them.
“I’ve never seen a man sway like you do after a couple glasses of wine,” she said. “Why do you think they call them cowboy legs?” But boy oh boy are they worth it once they’re broken in. Copper rivets.
Chain-stitched waistband. Selvedge details. You name it and they’ve probably got it built into these babies.
The cut is also surprisingly modern without trying to hard to be trendy. Slim enough through the thigh and calves but loose enough through the hips you don’t feel like you’re cheating on your wife with your ex-fling skinny jeans from high school. These are adult jeans.
Simple and straightforward. No extra topstitching details. No weird messed up washes.
No fun contrasting thread for no reason. Just high quality jeans that allow the denim and construction to speak for itself. Best jeans to sit in video conferences in where you need to look professional up top but comfortable enough down south to survive a full day of WFH parenting.
Okay, final crappy brand I’m about to butcher in front of all your crappy jean brands I love: Zara’s Premium Denim Collection. *GASP* hear me out here people I know what you’re about to say. Fast fashion. Horrible for the environment.
The companies owners does sketchy shady stuff with imports from Asia. But hey, it’s $55 for their slim fit 100% cotton option and if you’re strapped for cash like me and can’t really justify spending more than that then they actually offer some value. Will they last you five years like your grandfathers Levis?
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Nah. Hell no. I’d wager you’re getting about a year and a half of regular wear before they start to fade or lose their shape.
But for $55 I’m not sure I’d ask that much. Especially if you’re the type of person that likes to swap out your style every few months. I bought a pair to test out and they’ve survived six months of embarrassing dad antics so far.
Including but not limited to: multiple playground disasters, daily Goldfish dropping incidents, and once when Sophie used my leg as a napkin. The real shining star here is the fit. For whatever reason Zara fits almost everyone.
My athletic girlfriend can rock their slim fit jean and it looks great on her. Same goes for me. The fit is slim enough through the thigh and calves that they hold a nice clean line that works with both sneakers or boots.
Making them way more versatile than some other brands that are double the price. Color bleed warning for the first week you own them though. Don’t sit in your white chair at work like I did because it’ll be stained forever.
BLUE. On that note let’s talk about some truly awful brands. Topman. …i mean mother fuckin ASOS.
Jeans I tried on from their site ranged from “I could break these at the waist” to “these ripped while I was trying to zip up.” Best way to describe my experience is utter bullshit. I wore three different pairs and suddenly my waist went from 32 inches to 36 inches depending on what cut I tried on. NEWS FLASH PEOPLE: I’M NOT FLUCTUATING INCHES BETWEEN FLEECE JAMS AND JEANS.
The material was thinner than my wife’s leggings and the stitching looked like they’d give out when I sat down to buckle Jackson’s boots. River Island was another brand that looked good from a far but fell apart once you tried them on. Same story different hill to climb here.
Thin fabric, poor construction, and a weird overall cut that was too tight in my calves but baggy as hell at my knees. At $55 a pop you’re already spending way too much for this set of tradeoffs. Don’t do it.
Give COS a chance though. Their straight fit jeans come in around $95 and exist in this magical sweet spot between depressing fast fashion brands and triple-digit denim brands you see online. The material itself actually feels thick.
Like substantial. Heavy. It feels like actual denim that can actually be worn without falling apart the second you buy them.
What I love most about COS is how they actually went with a relaxed fit. I think we can all agree that the high street are still living in the skin tight jean era. Despite Jaden Smith and every other mindlesslyTumblr blog shouting that wide-leg is the new thigh gap.
COS gives you room to move without being overstuffed. They also do different hem lengths which is huge for someone of my height who’s always stuck between a mansized jean that are always too short and Long that I have to tailor. Here’s my controversy opinion of the year: Next make a halfway decent jean.
Yes you read that correct. Next, shop of sweaters so baggy they double as pants for middle aged dads world wide, makes a really nice pair of jeans… and I actually own them. I was skeptical.
Like salt pouring onto a wound skeptical. The last pair of Next jeans I bought was so desperate I decided to order them online because they were the only store that had my size in stock. Two days later I had cracked seam down both inner thighs.
Worst jeans EVER. But guys. Give them a chance.
They’ve stepped their game up big time. Next selvedge denim comes in at $55 and is surprisingly great…especially in their straight cut. The denim ages well, the stitching and construction is good if not amazing, and the price point is actually worth it.
They’re not my first pick if I had to choose between Next and M&S or Uniqlo but they’re worth buying if you’re already there picking up socks and polo shirts for your kids’ school uniforms. Full disclosure, I texted Mike after spending every Saturday month jeans shopping to give him my full report. He was mildly surprised that M&S were any good, mostly because “that’s where my dad shops for clothes.” But lo and behold he eventually broke down and bought a pair.
Three weeks later I got the confirmation text from him too. Another pocket quad. “You were right man.
Ordered two more pairs and spent less than those fancy pants that ripped on me.” Moral of the story? There are actually good jeans you can buy off the high street in 2024. IF you know where to look.
The rage seems to be right at that $65-100 sweet spot. Not cheap enough that they start skimping on all details but affordable enough that someone’s actually paying attention to what you’re buying. Another tip I learned along the way?
Always invest in selvedge denim when possible. Yes they might cost you an extra $10-15 but trust me they can tell the difference. So there you have it.
My full rankings if you want the Cliff Notes version: M&S Selvedge and Uniqlo Selvedge are tied for best value- to- quality ratio. ARKET second for premium feel at a slightly lower price. COS third for relaxed fit jeans.
Next and Zara worth checking out if you’re already shopping at those brands. Everything else “Good luck with that.” The big lesson I learned from all this? Jeans shopping has gotten WAY better in the last five years.
Hell, it’s gotten so good that I spent way too much time in changing rooms this past month that my Saturdays will never recover.
There was actually a time, not too long ago, where I could’ve written this whole article talking you through the worst brands to buy and why you should stay away from high street denim at all costs. But times have changed.
Retailers have finally woken up to the fact that guys these days actually know what quality jeans look like and are willing to pay a little extra for something that might last them more than a month. Sure none of the jeans I mentioned are gonna one day turn into that $300 SanMar you swear likes you more than your wife… But they also don’t NEED to.
What we as dads need are some reliable jeans in the middle that aren’t going to fall apart after two wears, stretch out to whale teeth after one washing, and force us to live off noodles for a month just to afford them. Adulting is hard enough these days. Gods know I’m on kid number three and have totally felt the strain on our family budget.
So when you’re left somewhere around $100 that actually give you dependable options that feel like damn near designer labels? Sign me up forever. TLDR: buy Goodthreads jeans.
